Ask Charlie?
by DaZZaBoY


Welcome to Grapevine.NET's dedicated readers problem page.

We will be recruiting a different agony aunt for each future issue 
and for our first outing, Dr. Charles Farquar Chuck has agreed to 
take some time out from his busy schedule to answer your questions 
and queries... 


Dear Charlie: I suffer from very bad 'Emma Freuds'. I have tried 
every treatment and ointment on the market, but to no avail! Is 
there anything you can suggest to solve my anal vineyard problem? 
Yours, Mr Giles (Farmer) 

Charlie says: Donkey Woofbark! Eee Orr! Itchybowow! I'll tell ya 
that, get me out of here? Aye! Nowt to do wi' you! Donkey! 

------------------

Dear Charlie: my girlfriend is very frigid and everytime I approach 
her and try to get intimate, she pushes me away and tells me to slow 
down? How can I transform her from the 'ice queen' that she is, 
into the hot sex goddess that I truly desire? 
Yours, Frustrated! 

Charlie says: Pussy! Cats...meeeooww meeeooww. Psst! Psst! Evil.
Get away from me! Meeeoowww... CATS! 

------------------

Dear Charlie: I recently caught two teenagers vandalising my car. 
I take a very dim view to this sort of behaviour so I proceeded to 
beat the living crap out of both youths! I am now being charged 
with two counts of ABH and I am completely disgusted at the warped, 
corrupt legal system that we have in the UK. What are your views on this? 
Yours, Mr. Brian Damage (esq) 

Charlie says: I've got 3 cups and a ball. What I'm gonna do is put 
the ball under one of the cups and shuffle 'em round..... Edie! Edie! 
Is that you, luv? Is anybody there? Speak to me Edie! 



Charlie is currently touring the UK with his "Mad as a Fish!" tour 
and will be visiting an institution near you soon. 

Check local press for details.... 

[end]